Selfish
by WinryDontShoot
Summary: Oliver finally gets clearance to see Amy after the events of the school dance and her near-assassination. She's happy and relieved to finally have a familiar face, even though she just winds up crying into Oliver's arms again. They need a moment to discuss what happens next.


The room is bare and Amy knows little. She huddles on her sterile white bed. Concrete walls seal her in close. Bandages coat her arms and hands, and her hair lay down in a tangled mess. The tattered prom dress she'll never wear again hangs from a single coat hanger on an iron bar. Amy sits and wonders why she hasn't been questioned more than this - she's barely been talked to by the FCP members who brought her here, and hasn't seen at all the woman who had pursued her nearly to death. But that probably figures - if she's suddenly wanted alive, then it's for the best that she doesn't see that woman, that _commander_ , with the flavor of poison ever again…

A sound. The door slides open.

Amy gasps, lifting her head from her knees. Could it be?-

 _Oliver!_

A wave of relief strikes Amy. Oliver steps inside, a cold expression in his artificial eyes, his mouth hanging in a frown. Amy flies to him, throwing her arms around his chest, burying her face in the crook between his neck and his shoulder. Oliver glances down, taking a startled step back.

"Amy," he says, raising an awkward hand to pat at her back.

"Oh, Oliver!" Amy squeezes him around the back. "You're alright! Did- did they rebuild you?-"

"I just needed some repairs done. I'm alright, Amy." Oliver backs out of the hug, but takes Amy gently by the wrists. His gaze is firm and serious. "It's you I'm worried about."

"Oh, I'm alright, Oliver." Amy bashfully cups her cheek with one hand. "I just got scraped up, is all."

"That isn't what I mean."

Amy senses Oliver's flavor surfacing. Excitement begins to build in her heart as she anticipates its brilliant warmth. Oliver is still hanging onto her wrists-deep concern dwells in his furrowed brow-but when she feels his flavor, it is different. A dry, bitter tang brings her down. Amy blinks. The last traces of her smile dissipate. "…Oliver?"

Oliver hangs his head, and it is a moment before he can reply.

"You're _not_ alright. You have friends, Amy. And now you won't be able to see them again… and it's because of me."

Oliver lowers a hang to clench a fist.

Amy pouts. "I thought I was going to _die_. And I don't know what you did, but… it saved me. You did something, and now I'm here instead. I don't want to die." Amy's voice hitches in her throat. _"I don't want to leave you."_

A faint smile appears on Oliver's face, but it vanishes just as quickly. "I did the best I could, Amy. I've been negotiating with them, trying to get them to release you or at least let you out for a little walk… but I haven't made much progress. I'm sorry."

"What?! Hey, it's okay! I'm- I'm not blaming you for anything. I don't blame you for any of this - not the FCP, not the assassin robots, not even being stuck here." Amy beams. "It's… it's okay. Cheer up, alright? This isn't your- your- Oliver?"

Oliver paces across the room, turning his head away. He sits down upon the edge of Amy's bed, massaging his temples. "How can you not blame me for this?"

"Well… I'm the one who got into this. I decided to go after you, and learn more about you even when my friends told me not to. I wanted really bad to know the truth-and, well, you did your best to warn me." Amy follows him and sits down right next to him, refusing to leave him alone. "And I didn't listen. So… I guess that's on me."

A long silence from Oliver. Finally, he lifts his head and mutters, "Why am I so selfish?"

Amy flinches. _"What?!"_

"Why am I _glad_ you didn't listen? I'm glad you didn't stop! I was glad except when I knew you could be moments from death." Oliver's eyes are wide and distraught. His gaze pierces into Amy's mind. She can feel it prickling at her soul. "I'm glad you know. It feels like I can breathe again. It- it feels like I'm moving and feeling, even in a body like this." Oliver raises his hands. They're trembling. "I'm so selfish, Amy. I've hurt you so deeply… and I can't even wholly regret it."

Amy gasps. "Oliver-it's okay, I'm sure we'll work something out, I- I know I can't be here forever!" She feels tears bubbling up at the corners of her eyes. "And… and if I've helped you, I don't regret it either."

"Amy."

A firm hand clasps down on Amy's shoulder. Oliver sits so much taller than her. He's holding one arm open. He leans close to her.

"Feels- feels like we've been doing this a lot lately, doesn't it?" Amy's voice is a wild tremble as she rests her head against Oliver's chest. Tears slip down her face. "You-you holding me while I- I-"

"I know." Oliver squeezes her close. "Whatever helps. They're not letting you see your family right now, but you need physical affection. I'm sorry."

"No, no, don't apologize!" Amy looks up. "Oliver… weren't we just talking about this?"

Oliver brings himself to smile. "I guess we were, weren't we?"

Amy laughs, pressing her face against him. "Yeah."

A moment passes. Another thought occurs to Amy - one she's thought for a long time, actually.

"You… you don't feel anything, do you?"

"Physically, no."

"Then- then you're doing this for me-" Amy sniffles. "You're doing this for me, and it's been six years since you've- since you've- been able to hug another person!"

Oliver nods. "It was strange at first. But then the Nothing settled in."

"But now the Nothing is gone. You don't live like that anymore, but you still- still can't-"

"Amy!" Oliver snaps, but his voice is without anger. "It's alright. Feeling emotion is enough for me." A fierce spark dances in his eyes. "It's brought me back to life. And what I want to do with that life is protect you."

Amy's cheeks begin to simmer. "I still don't know how you did it. Your- your ultimatum."

"I'm telling you, it doesn't matter. I was able to do something for you, when you did so much for me. And I'm able to hold you now when you need me. I'm a different man. I can take care of you now."

Hot tears well up at the corners of Amy's eyes. "Oliver…"

"It's okay. I'll be your shoulder to cry on."

Oliver begins drawing Amy near again.

Amy thrusts him away.

Oliver reels back, surprised. "…Amy?"

"What did you do?" Amy whimpers. "How did you get them to let me live? _What did you say?"_

"It's okay. It doesn't matter."

 _"Yes, it does!"_ Amy snaps. "I- I can't shake the feeling that you- you had to do something _unspeakable_ to get them to let me live! It doesn't make sense! They don't care about you or your wellbeing - the _only thing_ they care about, the only thing you have to bargain against them with is… is…"

Amy stops, her eyes suddenly wide with horror.

Oliver stares at her a moment.

And, slowly, he begins to nod.

"You know me too well, Amy." Oliver sits on the far end of the bed now, his legs folded close to his chest. "When I first started using the RFP, I never thought anybody would be able to read me ever again. But now I can't hide anything at all from you."

"Oliver… why wouldn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew you'd feel bad." Oliver's gaze is sharp and determined, yet it stares only at the empty wall, into the Nothing. Amy wonders if he's slipping back into it - but as she feels his flavor radiating off of him, sharp and fierce, she realizes that he's standing up to face it. "And you would realize how selfish I really am."

Amy can say nothing. Her voice falters in her chest.

"Six hundred years, hundreds of humans living and dying for this purpose - and I have the power to end it. Until now, I never had a reason to - but now I do. It's a last resort."

"All for… for me."

"You know they're watching me." Oliver shifts his gaze over to Amy. "And they know I'm not bluffing. This is my reality. I'm selfish - I'm glad to have you, even though it meant you losing the entire rest of your world. And in turn, I'd throw my precious life away to keep you safe. I'm their last lifeline- their last shot- the last of my kind- and look at me. I'm acting like the struggles and dreams of my ancestors and friends and community were _nothing_. Isn't that horrible?"

"…No. It's not."

"What?"

"I don't blame you."

"How? How could you not?"

"I can't! You lost them all once- you lost _everything_ \- and… and nobody could reach you for years, and… and then you let me in and you had somebody in your life again." Amy folds her hands in her lap. "So… it would be like losing it all a second time, wouldn't it? And… and if that happened-if you got the feeling that, no matter what you did, you couldn't keep anybody in your life and were doomed to the Nothing-" Amy wrings her hands- "then the next person who came along and tried to save you from the Nothing would face an _almost impossible_ task."

"It _would_ be impossible. Nobody could do more for me than you did - you found my murals, you sought me out, you persisted in the face of danger. You did whatever it took - and it worked. You saved me."

Amy manages a small smile, trying to fight back the tears that are now pouring down her face. "And I'd do it all again."

Oliver laughs nervously. "Hopefully you're safe now."

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"You don't think you'll- you'll have to-"

Oliver's expression shifts, becoming intense - his flavor strengthens, flooding her senses. It overpowers her own flavor for a moment - but then Amy feels a change, and Oliver is _drawing_ her flavor out of her instead, allowing her to taste it mingled beneath the orange -

 _"We live or die together, Amy. I will do everything I can to make sure we_ _ **live**_ _."_

Amy realizes she's staring into Oliver's eyes. He stares back intently.

Amy relaxes in his arms, realizing that she can live with what he's promised. A new anxiety enters Amy's mind - she could mess up, _they_ could mess up - her death could mean the death of Oliver _and_ his culture, his purpose - but if Oliver says they will live, then Amy will live and fight with him. Amy exhales, coming down from it. For now, at least, they are fine.

Oliver smiles softly, his eyelids lowering. He has sensed the change in her demeanor. "Would it be selfish of me to ask one more tiny thing of you, Amy?"

Amy blinks. What can she possibly do for him when she's trapped here, disconnected from the entire rest of her reality?

And then Oliver pulls a marker from his pocket and presses it into the palm of her hand. Amy immediately understands.

"You need to know this isn't all just an illusion," Amy whispers. "You're almost certain it's not, after everything- but you need something that will follow you around - some proof I still exist."

Oliver bows his head in affirmation.

Amy takes him by the hand, and uncaps the marker.


End file.
